Renee had told Sarah that she wanted to watch a particular TV

u3000u3000I always wanted to have children and I was completely thrilled when I had my first child. Nothing, however, prepares a mother for what itx92s like to be responsible for a child 24/7. Before my son was bo, I had time x96 time to read, to be creative, to spend time with friends, to take long baths, to spend time with my husband, to breathe. Suddenly there was no time for me. And, of course, after two more children, having any time for me became even more challenging. Thatx92s when I started getting sick. Not sick in the way you could name it x96 just sick in the way of being fatigued all the time. As much as I loved being a mother as well as continuing my practice as a psychotherapist, I was wearing out. Something had to change. The real problem was in knowing how to take care of my children and myself, instead of just taking care of my children. I had been brought up to be a caretaker, which meant that everyonex92s needs came before mine.

That was really what was wearing me out. Not only that, but putting their needs before mine was creating children with entitlement issues x96 the more I put myself aside for them, the more they demanded and felt entitled to my time and attention. Unfortunately, I didnx92t discover this problem until my children were adolescents. By that time I was headed for serious illness. My immune system was shutting down and various doctors said I that if I didnx92t change my lifestyle, I would end up with cancer or something equally serious. Itx92s not easy to start to attend to yourself when youx92ve always put othersx92 needs before your own. Yet for me it felt like a life-and-death situation. I had always been afraid that if I said x93nox94 to my husband and children, I would discover that they really didnx92t care about me. I was afraid to find out that they wouldnx92t support me in leaing to take care of myself. Yet I finally reached the point where I was willing to lose them rather than continue to lose myself and my health. It was at this point that I began to develop a strong spiritual coection, and Spirit eventually guided me toward a self-healing process which we now call Ier Bonding. (For a free Ier Bonding course, see ierbonding).

It was through practicing the six steps of this powerful process that I was able to start taking care of myself while I was working and taking care of my family, and my health gradually retued. I had always had enormous compassion for others but generally lacked compassion for myself. My challenge was to tu my eyes inward to my own feelings and needs instead of always being tuned in just to othersx92 feelings and needs. I needed to lea to treat myself as well as I treated others. I needed to lea to stand up for myself when my family demanded that I take care of them to the detriment of myself. I needed to lea to have the courage to withstand their anger when I didnx92t do just what they wanted me to do. I needed to lea to stand in my truth regarding what was loving to myself and others instead of trying to control their love with my compliance. Itx92s been a long and sometimes painful road, but one with great rewards. In a session with Renee, one of my clients, she told me that she was struggling with this same issue. She was exhausted most of the time, and often felt depressed. She told me of a recent incident that had happened with her nine-year old daughter, Sarah.

Renee had told Sarah that she wanted to watch a particular TV program at 8:00 that night, so Renee wanted to make sure that Sarah didnx92t need anything from her after 8:00. When 8:00 came around after Renee had been spending time with Sarah, Renee said she was going to watch her TV program. Sarah said, x93Mom, so the TV program is more important than I am.x94 Renee got confused by this, bought into the guilt, and gave into Sarah, thereby enabling Sarahx92s already strong entitlement issues. Then Renee felt even more exhausted and depressed. What Renee needed to say to Sarah was, x93Honey, it is you who is being selfish in not caring about what is important to me and just wanting me China AC Motor to do what you want. I need you to care about me like I care about you.x94 Then she needed to watch her program, thus taking care of herself and at the same time role-modeling personal responsibility rather than enabling Sarahx92s entitlement issue by giving herself up. Leaing to take care of ourselves is essential for our own health and the health of our family.